Existential Friday

As you probably already know I'm a fairly dug in Agnostic...but that doesn't mean I have never investigated the Christian faith and find interpretations of the bible intellectually stimulating. I was raised Mormon after all and went to early morning seminary before school everyday for all of my high school years. I've had lots of exposure to Christianity, and can say that I think that the true forms of Christianity, even Islam, are rooted in good principles and ideas. I think it is man (or woman..ahemm Bible...heh) that tends to go overboard and warp some of the very principles they are charged with upholding. I'm a very empirical type mind and can't honestly say for myself with any kind of conviction that there is or is not a God and/or afterlife. As far as what I can verify in the world around me, both could be a possibility. Where I can see how the unknown becomes a fear in many people, I try to embrace it and rejoice in it. I've often thought, even if there isn't an afterlife, does that really detract from the beauty of life? While we live we send ripples throughout the world that we can never fully comprehend. And we live on one tiny planet among possibly billions of them. I have a hard time thinking that humanity is the only form of life in the universe, and I also have a hard time accepting that we are the "pinnacle" of evolution ..either in this universe or on this planet even. I think as a species we are often very arrogant in believing that we know how best to use this planet (obviously we are destroying it). If we can't figure out how to live in harmony on our own planet, and with our own species...how are we more intelligent than any other organism on this planet that lives in balance. Sadly, I often times think WE are animals...

Anyways, I ramble a bit I realize and go off topic. That was more of a stream of thought thing. A path my mind seemingly takes...

Different

I've had this conversation recently, but wanted to get some of it down on "paper." Lately I have been a little troubled by peoples reactions to differences of opinions and/or beliefs. I've been looking at my own self and questioning my own reactions as well. Of particular note is that Maine has shot down gay marriage legislature today. It did not fail by a large % either, 53 to 47, I believe. But regardless, over HALF of the state does not want gays to be able to marry. I look into my own self and I think of that as just absolutely wrong. I feel that I see it for what it is, keeping a minority group of our society from having rights that the majority does. I look at the issue, and from its very root, it is what it is. We are basically denying the ability of one group of people to do something another group can. Seems pretty logically sound to me when viewed in this manner. Is my logic wrong? That question is what I keep running through my head. I question why I have such a strong and polarizing BELIEF in something myself. One problem I see with such a zealous belief in anything is that it tends to break down any kind of rational argument and discussion towards to manner. I hopefully don't want to be guilty of the same line of thought that I protest.

NOW comes the bag of worms. I try to think about what kind of people would vote against such an act, and why they would do so. Surely these people cannot be "bad" people. I can't really consider half of Maine just a bunch of assholes, right? Yet something inside me still feels somewhat angry, annoyed, and disappointed at the inability of my fellow countrymen/women to see an issue of civil injustice when it is right in front of them to think through. Several outcomes as to why people would do such a thing have crossed my minds.

1. They just haven't thought it through (ignorance or indifference)
2. They have thought it through and reached the conclusion to the opposite through some logic that makes sense to them.
3. They just go along with what is expected of them or taught to them without questioning.

I start to look inwards at myself, after asking these questions. I wonder what kind of major public issues are out there that I am either not education on at all, or have the wrong conceptions about. I think about some of the daily actions of my life that violate such rights in others, not directly, but by my support. I think I'm being too serious all the time. I think I'm not being serious enough. I think my head might just explode from the complications of it all.

Sometimes, at the end of such thoughts, as now, I feel like just giving up. This whole pursuit of "truth" and "meaning" sometimes seems so pointless. I never seem to run into an argument that can't just as easily have some kind of truth towards the opposite. If morality is supposed to connect me with some kind of truth...

I'm very confused.